Make me say, "Whoaaa baby!"

“you hate that bitch too?”

honestly looking at old pictures just makes me mad, i need to stop. last summer and last year had to be the hands down hardest part of my life & it makes me hate you and loath you for everything you put me through. when i was being dragged through hell it felt like you were there to just push me down further when you said we couldnt talk anymore. i cant ever forgive you for that. i cant forgive anyone at that time that put me through hell and back, i can only thank the people that were there the whole time and healed my heart. because if it wasnt for them like my bestfriends i wouldnt be who i am today. it just makes me sad and hatred when i think about last summer. 

i still love you your just gone right now and im sad and confused. 

im here waiting for you, writing you everyday. it just feels like i cant change the past and the future is far because your not here to be by my side through it. but ill be here waiting for you. strong, faithfully, and whole heartedly. ive never hurt you and ive always been there for you, ive always loved you and always will. 

just looking back im sad you didnt feel the same. youve been making everything better since you’ve been trying and i plan to spend the rest of my life with you. but it still hurts. i love you<3 

hopefully this feeling goes away forever, i wish it would. i want to be happy with my life, never look back, never let the past or life scar me that bad ever again. i wont, and im not looking back, the past is the hardest thing to let go of and i wont its a constant heartache that reminds me the past is real and it would and could happen again if i let it, i wont. i refuse, i refuse to be brought to my knees and attempt suicide. i wont be brought down any further, i will not break, i will not be a walking mat. id rather have a trigger, gun loaded at my head and cocked back then to be a floor mat or ever taken advantage of again. id be more than stupid to let the same things happen twice. 

fuck the past and everyone who ruined it, you only made me stronger, thanks bitches.

im stronger, wiser, and yes im a survivor. The only one whos never left my side is my Savior Jesus Christ. ive always owed my life to him. theres no one id rather live it for. 

as for my future husband, it seems like theres alot a head of you, and if we do ever break up apparently there were plenty of ‘girls’ before me lined up that were good with your family and you with theirs, best of luck with the life we planned with someone else. you seemed much happier, so goodluck, thanks for the lessons, be safe and sound. 

to all the people who can do better without me and wish they could poof me away, dueces <3 

all the people who have down me wrong, i forgive you. 

those that ruined my past, you wont bring down my future thats a promise. 

& to those during my darkest and hardest of times, pushed me away instead of helping me up, dragged me through hell versus flying me to Heaven, pushed me down further than lifting me up; well baby ill pray for you. <3

Dear past,

To all the people who can do better without me and wish they could poof me away, dueces <3 

All the people who have down me wrong, I forgive you. 

Those that ruined my past, you wont bring down my future thats a promise. 

& To those during my darkest and hardest of times, pushed me away instead of helping me up,dragged me through hell versus flying me to Heaven, pushed me down further than lifting me up; well baby ill pray for you. <3